Oh to be sure.

My head and my thoughts are such a detriment, and I cause myself this grief. All I can do is sit here and choke back the words I want to say, while I spit out the words that mean nothing to me. I’m staring into my future hoping to forget my past. I’ll disconnect my heart from my head and try to forget all these memories. It’s all so bitter sweet. There’s things I know and things left unknown. The unknown is what keeps me up at night, I sit here, 3am wondering and thinking. What if when I leave all my worst fears are proven.

Goodbye

I have always wanted to branch out from my family. Moving to another country has always been the one thing that got me through high school and university. It was the obvious path I would take the very minute I graduated. The one thought that never crossed my mind was just how hard it would be to say goodbye. One simple word has all these emotions attached to it. I still have two months before I leave yet pieces of my heart feel like they are already broken. I know it’s only a matter of time before those broken pieces will heel but still, I haven’t even left yet and the thought of leaving is hurting. I know this is what I have to do. I still have so much growing up to do, emotionally and mentally. The biggest thing that hurts was watching my mothers face drop the moment she knew I got my visa, her sadness is what overwhelms me, I know this is all temporary pain but it’s pain nonetheless.

Misspellings

I always sit and wonder why we meet the people we do. Was I put on this earth to some how transform and change the lives of those people around me? I hate not knowing what my purpose is in life but that’s the one question that no one has the answers to and never will. There are people in this world that can have significant impacts on you, you were one of them. I will forever hold you dear to my heart. This is not our time, it may never be our time. Sometimes you meet people that you love but you are never meant to be with. We grow and learn from people, we all have stories of survival, we all have some form of wisdom or knowledge that we pass on to people, maybe that’s the soul purpose of us, maybe that is why I am here today.

Weightless

It’s just one day she wants, one day to feel weightless. The load she carries on her shoulders is beginning to break her back. The weight is felt through every inch of her body right into the core of her chest. Her heart hurts as her body struggles to fight against the weight. What will it take to lift this heavy load, what will it take to let go of this hell. She can’t say anything as she sinks to the ground. The burden she carries has taken her soul, all that remains is the empty life, the shell of a girl I had once known.