Airport Death

I can know for certain that nothing will ever be certain again.
I hope that you lay awake at night and think of me the same way i think of you. You know you're messed up right? In some kind of beautiful way, you're really messed up. You say, "I'm still waiting on someone to save me", but that someone has got to be you and that goes for the same as me. You've completely destroyed me and I'm sitting here in pieces waiting for you to put me back together again. All the words i say to you, all the letters i send to you will never sum up what i feel for you. I don't believe in real love but i know I'm really in love with you, or maybe I'm, just in love with the idea of you. I never know if it's love or if it's just a feeling I'm predisposed to feel because society tells me so. When I'm with you it feels like days can roll into weeks in the blink of an eye. Everything we are not is simply everything we have not become, just yet. My list of things to do before i die is short and simple; survive.

The quietness between us was the loudest sound I've ever heard. The unspoken noise was ringing in my ears. The thoughts of you drive me crazy and the distance between us sends me insane. Our fingers fitted perfectly as our bodies intertwined.

You are like an ocean.

I’m sinking like a stone in the sea. I’m walking on eggshells around everyone trying so hard not to crack. The weight of my mistakes are an unbearable load. The song has stopped singing for me and my days are filled with grey.

The words i’ve always wanted to say to you are choked up in my throat. The sum of all your parts make me feel so much more whole again. But my life has always been made up of a series of bad timings and you are another to add to the list.

The Unknown

I want to go back to the days where riding my bike was enough to make me feel alive. The days where my mother’s hug was enough for me to feel better, before the doctors and the pills and increasing fear in the back of my mind, which is so often present. You’re convinced this will help you continue living but you’re not living at all.

Now your life is at a crossroads. You were so safe wrapped up in your education but it’s all coming to an end. The light at the end of the tunnel is blinding you for all the wrong reasons. You had always hoped for this day to come but now that it’s here it’s not looking as sweet. Will twenty thousand miles make any difference at all to your sadness? Or will it only fuel the fire growing in your heart and the pits of your stomach.

Your mind changes to your other life. You’ve found an amazing girl, she’s everything you had ever dreamt of, and everything you’ve ever hoped would walk into your life. She’s the perfect girl but just that, a girl. Your lives are so different. The stages you are at are completely poles apart. Despite the fact that someone who consumes your heart has graced you, you continue to feel empty. You’re to young to be this fucked up but that’s how it is these days. Fifty years ago they dealt with war, now we just deal with war in our heads and our minds. They dealt with evil dictators, but now we are the evil dictators and we dictate ourselves.

It’s a bitter sweet symphony this life.