What seems so natural to me, is always criticised by others.
Why are they so scared of us and why do they run away.
We don't do wrong and we pay out taxes, but we are constantly knocked down.
As Leonard Cohen says "I've practiced all my sainthood, i gave to one and all"
I will not change, we will not change.
We stand and fight until there is fair treatment for all.

They are so scared of us, but we stand here harmless.
We promote nothing but peace and harmony, yet they push nothing but chaos and hate.
Every time i look at myself, i wonder how i can be so scary, how i'm ruining everything.
When will they close the door on hatred and just start accepting.

With every laugh that escapes my breath is another wall that i've put up to mask how much i just deeply hate myself.
With every laugh you take, the hatred for myself deepens, the deep intense jealousy i have for everyone that is happy.
I sit here in the dark, waiting, when will this change for me.

When will this hatred for myself fade away.
When will the late night tears, when i'm alone, stop.
I want this self loathing and self pity to end.
But then my questioning goes right back to why not me? Why do i have to be the one who's constantly alone.

When did i become this person.
This person that i have always hated.
This person that i never, ever wanted to be.

a list of things i'd like to achieve before i die:
-own an art gallery
-lived in france
-fell in love
-had my heart broken
-own a very big bookcase filled with every one of my favourite books and more
-read infinite amounts of literature
-travelled to far away countries
-discovered the "great perhaps"
-visited Big Sur
- discovered who i actually am, and start to become content with that.
-quit being a sad loser all the time
-descended across the gravel ridge, beneath the bixy canyon bridge.
-own a recording studio
-fall in love

Tonight i was struck so deeply by one sentence in a book i am reading.
“i hope you never love anything as much as i love you”
It made me think of what i want in life.
The list is as follows;

i want to love
i want to breathe without a heavy heart
i want to live in a place i love and be surrounded by people who understand me.
i want to learn multiple languages
i want to exist for a reason and have a purpose in life
i want to listen to music endlessly,
drink wine, smoke cigarettes.

I want to resurrect old art forms such as letter writing and poetry,
i want to forget about the internet and television,
i want to talk to people properly, face to face,
so i can analyse your expressions and hand movements.
i want to have massive book shelf filled with great books by great authors.
I want to tell stories to children and what there faces light up.

I want this world to have a purpose and a meaning for life,
people need to stop walking around like zombies and embrace everything that life throws at them.
I want my heart to grow stronger and my head to become clearer.
The biggest thing in life is i want to grow old with someone who loves me.
“i hope you never love anything as much as i love you”
I want that quote to be real and i want to start to believe that it is real and that i am worthy of it,
because right now, i don't feel worthy and i don't feel like i will have that,
i don't have a purpose right now and i wish i knew why i was here.

Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, i never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance wedged itself between me and my happiness, it wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but its so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never one into it.

Tegan and Sara are LOVE

Things i plan to do these winter holidays:

1.) Lay under my bed for extended periods of time, reading the six books i have hired from the library.

2.) Work, make money, to get me out of this shit country.

3.) Try not to be a sad, lonely, depressive loser.

4.) Visit Mueck exhibition at GoMA.

5.) See some live music.

A letter to my unborn nephew

The world is a cruel place,
It’s full of evil people with bad intentions,
People will hurt you, you will get disappointed,
People are only ever after two things; money and power.

The world is a cruel place,
You have to try your hardest to make the most of everything you are given,
Be who you want to be and not what people push onto you.

I hope by the time you are old enough to understand that the world will have changed,
I hope by then we have reached equality,
I hope that people are not prosecuted for being different,
I hope we have stopped hurting each other,
I hope mother nature is looked after,
I hope, I hope, I hope.

The world is a cruel place,
But I promise, I will look after you.

Dans notre univers privé

I want to live in world where I speak French,
Listen to classical music,
Dine with educated people,
Smoke cigarettes,
Talk about art, literature and music.

And in the winter I would sit at home with you,
Entangled within your body, lay in bed all day and night,
Drink the finest wine and cups of tea.
We will dance to the rhythm of our own beat,
And quote all the greatest poets.

When we are old and grey, we will move,
We will move to the French countryside,
Dans notre univers privé.

The clocks stopped at one seventeen one morning. There was a long shear of bright light, then a series of low concussions. Within a year there were fires on the ridges and deranged chanting. By day the dead impaled on spikes along the road. I think it's October but I can't be sure. I haven't kept a calender for five years. Each day is more gray than the one before. Each night is darker - beyond darkness. The world gets colder week by week as the world slowly dies. No animals have survived. All the crops are long gone. Someday all the trees in the world will have fallen. The roads are peopled by refugees towing carts and road gangs looking for fuel and food. There has been cannibalism. Cannibalism is the great fear. Mostly I worry about food. Always food. Food and our shoes. Sometimes I tell the boy old stories of courage and justice - difficult as they are to remember. All I know is the child is my warrant and if he is not the word of God, then God never spoke.

- The Road

A Man of Words

A man of words and not of deeds
Is like a garden full of weeds;

And when the weeds begin to grow,
It's like a garden full of snow;

And when the snow begins to fall,
It.'s like a bird upon the wall;

And when the bird away does fly,
It's like an eagle in the sky;

And when the sky begins to roar,
It's like a lion at the door;

And when the door begins to crack,
It's like a stick across your back;

And when your back begins to smart,
It's like a penknife in your heart;

And when your heart begins to bleed,
You're dead, and dead, and dead, indeed.



- Percy B.Green.

A little old man and I fell out.
I'll tell you what it was all about.
He had money, and I had none.
And that's the way the noise begun.

- The Real Mother Goose.

love and loss

Our bodies lay there, intertwined, fitting perfectly.
You breathing down my neck, telling me you love me.
Tracing my fingers along your hips and down the small of your back.
And with that, you wake up and the ghost has gone.
You can’t feel it and you can’t touch it, so does that make it any less real?

Bare your teeth across my chest, it hurts less than the pain you’ve caused already.
My world comes crashing down around me, I grip the cement.
I brace myself for impact, the final blow that knocks the wind out of my chest.
With sweaty palms and busted smiles, gritted teeth and false hopes.
I don’t feel it. Nothing at all, never have, never will.

let's dance to joy division and celebrate the irony.

Changes. They're happening. Everyday.
Honestly, i don't like it and it's scaring me.
We're moving on and i'm feeling left behind.
Sitting in this old empty house, just buying my time,
waiting to be left completely alone with no direction.

You were my last lifeline and now you have gone,
to the darkside, which ironically is not dark, my side is.
Dark, lonley and so incomplete.

I now see myself slipping away into this dark and empty cynical state.
How does one get out of it? I fail to understand.
Where do i start and do i really want to?
Thats the worst thing about this, i have no motivation to make myself happier.

You were my last lifeline, you are happy and i should be happy for you,
but i am empty and broken.
I remember when you were empty and broken and i did my hardest to help you.
I hope you help me, because i dont think i can do this alone.

Is this what life is about?
Being broken and empty and alone?
I'm being cultivated to live these lonely nights.
Everything that was good in my heart has left my body and soul.

Splendour In The Grass 2010!

Well, Splendour In The Grass has definatly outdone themselves this year and has produced a refreshingly amazing lineup for their 10 year anniversary, which will this year be celebrated at a new venue where the much popular Woodford Folk Festival is held and will go for three days this year.

At midnight on the 15th of April, Triple J leaked the lineup and word spread like wild fire about the epic lineup Splendour organisers had managed to bag, which is sure to leave punters smilling from ear to ear. The first announcement includes THE STROKES, MUMFORD AND SONS, THE TEMPER TRAP, BAND OF HORSES, PIXIES, PASSION PIT, FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE, LAURA MARLING, GRIZZLY BEAR, BAND OF SKULLS, SURFER BLOOD, ALBERTA CROSS, MIIKE SNOW, THE DRUMS, TWO DOOR CINEMA CLUB, LCD SOUNDSYSTEM, BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE, MIDLAKE, FOALS, FRIGHTENED RABBIT, GOLDFRAPP, KATE NASH, JONSI (Sigur Ros) and BLACK REBEL MOTORCYLE CLUB, SCISSOR SISTERS, THE TING TINGS and HOT CHIP, YEASAYER, ASH, BEN HARPER AND THE RELENTLESS 7, WE ARE SCIENTISTS, RICHARD ASHCROFT AND THE UNITED NATIONS OF SOUND, K-OS, DELPHIC, FAT FREDDY'S DROP, SCHOOL OF SEVEN BELLS and THE MAGIC NUMBERS. And thats just the international acts.

Then there's a massive cast of local acts including ANGUS AND JULIA STONE, EMPIRE OF THE SUN, WOLFMOTHER, THE VINES, TAME IMPALA, PAUL KELLY, OPERATOR PLEASE, LISA MITCHELL, MIDNIGHT JUGGERNAUTS, LITTLE RED, SPACE INVADAS, BRITISH INDIA, OH MERCY, THE MIDDLE EAST, BLUEJUICE, WASHINGTON, WHITLEY, DAN SULTAN, CLOUD CONTROL, MIAMI HORROR, CLARE BOWDITCH, PHILADELPHIA GRAND JURY, JOHN STEEL SINGERS, VIOLENT SOHO, THE MESS HALL, JONATHAN BOULET, BOY AND BEAR, GYPSY AND THE CAT, LAST DINOSAURS, ERNEST ELLIS, TIM AND JEAN, HORRORSHOW.

The DJ line-up includes BAG RAIDERS, VAN SHE TECH, ANNA LUNOE, KID KENOBI, YOLANDA, BE COOL, THE ONLY, PURPLE SNEAKERS DJS, MIAMI HORROR DJS, GRAZ and LEVINS.

With an epic lineup like this it is going to set you back a pretty penny, with camping and entry for three days costing $460 dollars and entry only $360.

This year is sure to be a highlight for my year.

Sunnyside

I have gone and done it. I deleted my Facebook. So more than likely to fill the void and time i will be spending more time on this blog, which is fine by me. Writing is alot more productive than Facebook. Longer post about life and such will follow after some much needed retail therapy with a few of my favourite people.

Angus and Julia Stone 20/03/10 @ Tivoli

A rowdy audience all gathered to the sold out show on March 20th at the Tivoli in Brisbane to watch the folk brother/sister duo from Sydney Angus and Julia Stone. They took to the dimly lit stage which was set adorned with a single seat, lamps, picture frames and red wine, perfect for a laid back evening. Angus and Julia both then donned their instruments ready for a night of sweet folk pop. And The Boys from the duo’s new album Down the Way was second in the set; using Julia’s unique voice a flawless performance of this song was delivered setting the pace for what was going to be a magical night.

Tonight, a handful of new material was displayed which showed the progression of the band. Down The Way sees Angus and Julia Stone use their unique voices to evoke many emotions and encapsulates broken hearts through their unique storytelling. Onstage they are supported by Matt, Rob and Jake, the new backing band, who were flew in from New York for this tour. The duo managed to mix up the set with new and old material, captivating the audience with crowd favourites such as Wasted, Private Lawns and Mango Tree.

Two appealing additions to the already amazing set list was a solo by Julia of the Grease song You’re the One That I Want, during this Angus decided it was a good time for a glass of wine and time out on the couch and the second song which supporting band Boy and Bear joined the stage to cover Dreams originally by Fleetwood Mac. The pair then closes the set with the slow and beautifully sung Santa Monica Dreams however due to a guitar string malfunction Julia is required to start again and expresses that she now “has to go through all the emotions again”.

Angus and Julia Stone throughout the show were often humbled at the audience’s enthusiasm, particularly Angus who was smiling throughout Just a Boy as the audience sang with him. It’s quite easy to see that these two have progressed from their debut album and will continue to do so in the future.

Hope, visions, future

You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

We live in a difficult world, a broken world. Life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck.

We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people live with problems of pain. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real.

You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible.

The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.

The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles.

The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.

The vision is better endings.

The vision is the restoration of broken families and broken relationships.

The vision is people finding life, finding freedom, finding love.

The vision is making change.

The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.

The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.

The vision is hope, and hope is real.

Alligator tears, spilled over you.

Tegan and Sara, my two favourite ladies in the world are touring Australia!

Many dates for intimate gigs and festivals and you can read it all here on there website:

http://teganandsara.com/news/time-travel-australia/

xx

Blue Juice, Skinny Jean and Last Dinosaurs Gig @ The Zoo

As Blue Juice was getting ready to wind down their Broken Leg tour they had to make three last stops, first up The Zoo in Brisbane’s Fortitude Valley. To brisbane locals the Zoo is an iconic venue, promising to provide an intimate evening of music. Supporting Blue Juice was local Brisbane acts Last Dinosaurs and Skinny Jean.

The night started out with Last Dinosaurs a smooth sounding Indie band taking to the stage to pound out their tunes to all that would listen. These four lads were very captivating and the audience responded enthusiastically, the evening was getting off to a great start. Next was the five piece band Skinny Jean. Skinny Jean was really quiet amazing to watch, if you were not dazzled by Jemma Hicks on the Vibraphone and Glockenspiel, an unusual combination, then you were mesmerised by Skên Onion, providing interesting vocals. Combining these talents along with guitars and drums made for a rather entertaining sound. Skinny Jean manages to mix up their set with upbeat dancing songs as well as darker, intense songs to keep the audience entertained. My highlight was Jemma Hicks stealing centre stage and my heart, belting out a sweet song of her own.

At long last Blue Juice, what we had all been waiting for. Everybody had clearly put on their dancing shoes and it was impossible not to join in the revelry. You could feel the energy transfer from the band to the audience in a wave of lyrics and Blue Juice were faking nothing, with their energetic dancing and jumping all over the stage. Showing stamina, the energy levels remained high, with the audience climax during Vitriol, Broken Leg, I Aint Telling the Truth and The Reductionist. I nearly lost my footing a few times due to some rather eager punters. After a few screams from the audience, there was an encore. Leaving nothing to complain about, satisfied and dripping with sweat we raced to the stairs along with the crowd to get some much needed air outside.

I’ve finally found Sainthood

I wrote this when the album first came out on another blog, i decided to post it here to :)

A couple of days ago the eagerly anticipated Sainthood by my favourite Canadian twin sisters Tegan and Sara leaked onto the internet, now before you get angry about downloading it, i assure you i have already pre-order a copy along with the three part book On In At. However just like any other Tegan and Sara fanatic i couldn’t wait any longer. Sainthood was due for release on the 27th October 2009, is the 6th studio album for Tegan and Sara and was Co-Produced by Death Cab for Cutie’s Christopher Walla and Howard Redekopp.

After the huge success with The Con I thought that they couldn’t possibly get much better, but without fail they have proven me wrong. I am a huge fan of Tegan and Sara and after many listens though their full record i have to say, to me this takes the award of best album of 2009. Sainthood as Tegan Quin put it is about love and even if the songs aren’t directly about love then they use love as a metaphor and this is quite evident in Hell. Sainthood addresses themes of love, devotion and relationships and never falls short of accurately portraying these feelings we all experience.

Sainthood is also monumental in the fact that it was the first time that both sisters collaborated together, however only one song Paperback Head made it to the album, thankfully. Tegan and Sara’s writing abilities are so very different from each other and that is what makes them special, they are able to offer two very different perspectives and writing styles. Sorry to say but Paperback Head just didn’t excite me.

I have been a Sara lover for a long time and once again its Sara’s songs that have captivated me within this record. Songs such as On Directing display her complex lyrics that are backed up with catchy melodies such as in Red Belt.

Never fear because Tegan doesn’t fall too short. Tegan impresses me so much with The Ocean and continues to display her simple catchy pop tunes that were shown throughout The Con. Tegan continues to shine when branching out into a semi punk number Northshore and I have to say I cannot wait to dance to this at one of their gigs.

It’s clear to see that both girls seem to have matured in their song writing. Time and time again they do not disappoint with every record they put out. Sainthood is out on 27th October and I encourage everyone to go out and buy it!

Freedom, Equality and those little things we take for granted

Freedom, equality and rights. Three words that are thrown around constantly, used everyday and are so important to the individual. Our universe is centred around them, we have rights advocates, freedom fighters and we constantly demand equality. Looking back throughout history it is quite clear to see that their has always been some fight or another over these three simple words. Denial of rights and freedoms are always a hot topic. We all aparently born free and equal, according to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights we all have rights no matter what race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status we have. So i ask you this, why the fuck today, in 2009, are we still fighting for our rights, can we not learn from history, is the human race really that dumb, naive and close-minded.

In the last few years the concept of same sex marriage has been constantly popping up with politics, media and any other outlet it can. Marriage. Its one simple word that holds so much meaning to individuals. Many countries throughout the world are denying same sex couples the right to marry. Legislation classes marriage being between one man and one women and this definition can be related back to the bible.

I am deaply affected by this. I don’t understand how this world can deny a certain group of people the rights to marry the one they love and the majority of reasons why stem from an acient book based around beliefs and stories that may or may not be true. Im not trying to blame religion or deny whether it is true or not, as i have religious friends and families, i just believe that those reasons are not valid.

Throughout the world there are only a few countries that recognise same sex couples and allow them to marry, some being; South Africa, Canada and certain states within the United States of America. United States of America, easily can be recognised as the biggest country in the world, unfortunatly ours and most countries rely on the USA in some form or another. For a big country like this only four out of the fifty states recognise same sex marriages, a big country which centers on discrimination? And Australia! Dont even get me started, we dont even recognise it whatsoever, instead we have “civil unions” which is an utter joke.

Alas, everyday there are groups of people who are fighting so very hard to change this, one recent event that happened in California was the overturning of legal same sex marriages that were being performed throughout 2008, this was dubbed Proposition 8. Proposition 8 was a ballot vote within California and unfortunatly for homosexual Californian couples Prop 8 was passed however the marriages that had been performed before the passing was still recognised, this included the famous marriage of Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi.

Today was another sad day for the gay community, the state Maine which is situated within the USA voted for making same sex marriage illegal, it was meant to become legal in January 2010. However the brighter side to this sad story is the margin of the gap between legal and illegal was smaller in compared to Prop 8, showing that slowly but surely this war will be won.
Things take time, however the gay community has every right to be impatient, i don’t know if things will change, i hope they will, education is the key. I leave you with this, it sums up how i feel, its heartbreaking and honest.