With every laugh that escapes my breath is another wall that i've put up to mask how much i just deeply hate myself.
With every laugh you take, the hatred for myself deepens, the deep intense jealousy i have for everyone that is happy.
I sit here in the dark, waiting, when will this change for me.

When will this hatred for myself fade away.
When will the late night tears, when i'm alone, stop.
I want this self loathing and self pity to end.
But then my questioning goes right back to why not me? Why do i have to be the one who's constantly alone.

When did i become this person.
This person that i have always hated.
This person that i never, ever wanted to be.